What tha hell?

Norwich slapped Livingstone, of Scotland’s second tier, last night 2-0, putting us in the unusual position of having won three pre-season friendlies, lost none and conceded none. I for one find it quite alarming – aren’t we supposed to lose all our pre-season games?! I thought the deal was that we would lose pre-season and at Christmas and do well apart from that. If we do well before the first game proper against Leeds, what the hell is going to happen in between now and December??

No shit Sherlock

Well, that was a flash in the pan – Walcott’s agent says, surprisingly in some people’s eyes, that “I am in regular touch with Arsenal and there has never once been a suggestion of Theo going out on loan”. Who’d have thunk it??

Silliest silly season story. Ever.

I haven’t been following the speculation over who Norwich are or (more likely) aren’t going to buy this summer, but one news story certainly did catch my eye on the Pink Un this morning. “Worthy eyes young Gunners” makes the claim early in the piece that, “Theo Walcott could be pulling on a Norwich City shirt next season”. Nice start. Unfortunately, we can’t even pretend there is any evidence for it.

What Worthington actually said was, “We have spoken to the people at Arsenal asking to be kept aware of any of the young players who might be available on loan. There are no really definite names I can mention. I spoke to Pat Rice just to be aware of anyone they might have."

I am not sure how “no really definite names” became “Theo Walcott could be pulling on a Norwich shirt”, but that’s local sports journalism for you.

Back to life, back to reality

Right, now the so-called World Cup is over, we can get back to the important side of football: getting Norwich back to a position where they don’t lose all the away games I go to.

I have tried to order the new EDP guide to the 06/07 season (its not out yet), hesitated over buying the new home shirt and decided not to (I will buy it after too many beers at Strikers hen I go to a home game), and I have scanned through the fixtures list to decide which games to go to (Coventry away for my birthday is unlikely to be my favourite present of the year).

I think July 10 is too early to be getting back into the football. I am still too jaded, but what am I supposed to do for the next two months??

One piece of good World Cup news

I am still too gutted about the World Cup finising to bother writing about anything. However, one piece of good news was the absence of any violence in Thetford following the game. And when you think of all the provacation from the likes of Ronaldo, that is actually quite an achievement.

What’s the point?

I was going to write about the ref, the tactics, the crowd, the TV coverage, the performance straight after the game. I put it off. I couldn’t sleep last night. It was like I had a piece of really bad family news to mull over and couldn’t get it out of my head. Every time I started drifting off, I got Wayne Rooney’s snarl appearing in my mind.

For so long, for months and months, I have been waiting for the world cup. It was probably stupid of me to think we could do anything, to think that Sven could change his tinkering ways, or that Beckham would start performing, or that referees would manage to not send off our star player. It was probably idiotic to even pay attention in the first place – to think that the more I cared, the better we’d do. To think that if I avoided slagging off the performances in the first round, even in my head, we might do better. To think that at some point, the expectation wouldn’t be met with pain and disappointment.

When I couldn’t sleep last night, I got up and watched a couple of hours of the Ashes highlights DVD. I sat in front of the TV in my room with tears in my eyes watching Vaughan and Flintoff celebrating the Edgbaston last minute win and remembered that actually sometimes things do come off.

When I was very young, I think I was 10, I stopped playing in the garden and went to see my dad in the living room. He was watching the cricket. I think it was the ‘89 series but am not really sure. I obviously didn’t have a clue what cricket was, or what the ashes were, but I just wanted to sit with my dad and watching the cricket was what he was doing, so watching the cricket is what I decided to do. I don’t remember what match it was, or what happened, but I remember we lost the match very, very badly – by an innings I think, it was a proper shocker. So began my life as a cricket supporter.

Thinking about that while watching the Ashes highlights last night, and remembering as if it were yesterday, the sheer elation and every wicket were taken, I wondered how much happiness those wickets and runs brought to people that watched that series as first time cricket fans. I also wondered whether any of the annoying non-football types that have got so excited about the World Cup over recent weeks actually felt anything today. I bet some of them are even looking forward to the semi-finals. I couldn’t give a toss who wins now.

This last year, football wise, has been an absolute shocker. It couldn’t have been much worse. But I think the will to push on, despite the horrible feeling it could, and probably will, bring, is the mark of a real supporter. The willingness to accept loss, and build the usual feelings of pain and anger into the joy of winning when it happens, is the most essential part of any supporter. What person can know joy without knowing sorrow? I don’t doubt for a second that many people will think that sounds idiotic. Well, I say fuck them. Damn them to watch celebrity love island with their lives. Some things matter. I’m off to watch the third test.

And by the way – here is the fixtures for next season. Who’s coming to the Annual Crystal Palace Horror Show?

I’m wearing black on the outside because black is how I feel on the inside

I was about to sit down and write how I feel now England are out, who I want to win, how I think England have fared. But a mix of shuddering anger, and pitiful sorrow means it is probably best to wait for a while before doing so.

So I thought I would relive the game itself as I recorded it. My mate Richard, who usually lives in Bruxelles, was in Kent for a wedding today. He had no access to a radio or TV so asked me to send him update texts. I thought he’d be sneaking looks at them under the dinner table, but apparently he was shouting them out, and they were in fact updating c. 200 people! Not sure what the Bride made of it.

Here is what I said…

To: Ricardo
Sent: 4.52
Msg: phone chimp out, normal txt service now resumed. 0-0 at ht, very much even game. Lots of attacking on both sides, no clear chances either side tho

To: Ricardo
Sent: 4.58
Msg: Beckham off injured, (lennon on) 0-0 55mins

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.04
Msg: Cheating dives from ports, great chance for cole, hit over 0-0 63mins

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.04
Msg: Rooney has been sent off 64m

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.13
Msg: Crouch upfront, cole off. Gone a bit queit bit of a stalemate 69mins (69)

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.18
Msg: Ports coming fwd in number England coping and countering quite well. Things fucking tense! 0-0 77mins

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.24
Msg: very very very tense. Some close shaves, good defending, bits of luck 0-0 81mins

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.28
Msg: Crouch playing well on own, but ports still coming at us. Fans are fucking loud! 0-0 86mins

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.36
Msg: Its gone to ET (extra time, not the film) Terry had good chance but good defending from ports. 0-0 at ft, 0mins of et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.43
Msg: Ports have us back foot big time, horribly tense. 0-0 4mins et I presume youre getting these?!!

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.49
Msg: Amazing chance for Crouch, great clearance from ports. Can’t articulate how tense this is! 10mins et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 5.56
Msg: Great chance for us, three for them. Meltdown. Am in agony. This is fucking horrible – 0-0halftime of et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 6.01
Msg: Big shout for a pen for us – looks 50-50 on replay tho. Heart attack moment, ports goal, but disallowed for offside. 19mins et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 6.06
Msg: Good chance for lennon – him and crouch are doing v well considering. Ports still coming at us. Getting nervous. Horrible 0-0 24mins et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 6.13
Msg: Lots and lots and lots of pressure. The beeb commentators are being total dicks, driving everyone nuts. 0-0 29mins et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 6.14
Msg: Its pens. I’m not going to text you after each one. I’ll just text you the result when its over. 0-0 after et

To: Ricardo
Sent: 6.34
Msg: We lost 3-1 on pens. We are out.

What to say?

I don't really know what to say at the moment, but given Scolari's friends in high places, I definitely won't be missing Mass tomorrow.

The guiding hand of God

It turns out that Big Phil Scolari is a devout Catholic. He prays daily to the Virgin of Caravaggio, who has a shrine in his home state of Rio Grande de Sul in Brazil. The Saint appeared to a farmworker in Italy in 1432, and has been cited as performing miracles for those who have asked for her intecession since then.

Apparently, before the 2002 World Cup he prayed to Our Lady of Caravaggio, and promised that he would make a pilgrimage to pray at her shrine if Brazil qualified. When they did so, he walked the ten miles from his house to the shrine in bare feet.

During the 2004 Euro championships, when his Portuguese team knocked England out, he asked the Brazilian FA to send him an icon of Our Lady of Caravaggio after Portugal’s opening game loss. They made it to the quarters. Another suspicious omen is that Pope Clement III was born Paulo Scolari. Could count against England this afternoon.

However, I bet he doesn’t go to an Opus Dei church for mass like I do. Big girl’s blouse.

World cup predictions

Every world cup that I have watched since 1986 has had a similar pattern to this one – massive, almost painful anticipation, followed by a nail-biting first round where we proceed despite not deserving to – and then on to a knock-out round where the tension gets unbearable. I am less optimistic than I have been in the past, but I think that’s more down to the way I got excited about the World Cup around 2 years ago rather than the facts on the ground. So I thought I would have a look at what the fine upstanding members of the press were thinking.

The good

Thankfully, many members of the press are optimistic. Oliver Holt in the Mirror is ready for action: “The England we all know is hiding in there somewhere. And there is another England. There really is. A different England to the one that has crawled through the competition on its hands and knees so far. There is an England that could yet be a threat in this World Cup if they can just begin to play to their potential against Portugal here this afternoon.”

The bad

Other commentators are playing it safe by being the ultimate pessimists. Roy Collins on the Telegraph blog is a good example. “How can [Sven] think England can win the World Cup playing such dross?” he writes. Going on, he says: “If he fails to reach the semi-finals of a major tournament again, he will have betrayed the country's so-called generation with his negative tactics.”

The miserable

There is still a lot of miserable football professionals determined to knock the team come what may. They are of course joined by people who don’t know anything about football at all – you know the people, they shout “we’re shit” every time a pass goes slightly astray, and complain that we aren’t 5-0 up at halftime. David Lacey in the Guardian is one of these miseries. He thinks we will do well, but “On the whole England teams do not do performances”. David Bond over at the Telegraph is singing from the same misery sheet: “On the evidence of England's performances here so far, there is no great cause for optimism.”


I have predicted 2-0 for the world cup predictors, but seeing as I currently lie 11th out of 14, don't read too much into that.